Was zu machen? v.2.0.

I don't want to write this in spanish right now, I'm not in the mood. And, of course, you can all correct this since it'll have fucking lots of mistakes. I'm sure of that, I won't look up words or correct it. I can tell you this won't be a well-written nor nice and funny entry.

Why? Fuck off! That's why.

What the fuck am I thinking about? I dont know what I really want. Well. Actually, as I said in the last entry, I do want what I want but... Is that really for me? I mean. She's just dumped her boyfriend. That's just what I was expecting for, wasn't it? But... nop. For me, this hasn't been what you usually call "nice". Let me explain myself. At the begining, she was sad. That's pretty normal, indeed. She had just broken with him after an eight months relationship, and that's a lot of time. So, we can say that, even, when she told me so, I wasn't happy. She was sad and there's nothing I could do about it because IM FUCKING 240 KM FAR FROM HER NOW!!! GODDAMIT!! But, well, at that point I was in my graduation, so I forgot about it, but, even though, I can tell I was not half happy as I expected I was going to be.

That bring as 'till yesterday. She told me she had done wrong (history inside, none of most you bussines), but, after this, she had reaffiermed that she had really broken with him. This seemed to be the end. But she still felt sad, because, after all, she had commited a mistake, a big one (her words) so, I still didn't feel good at all.

Today, this came a step farther. She told me that, since she had made this mistake, she had told her ex (keep on mind this) that she felt so sorry and she was going to pass by his house the day after tomorrow. Fact: She has not made any remark on whether it was just for apologizing.

So. This is the history. Then comes me.

As the title sais, "was zu machen?" means "what to do?". I'm more than confused right now. What the fuck am I doing or expecting for? Seriously? How long is this it taking? and the main question:

Which is my role in all of this?

In the last entry I was fucking happy. I swear. She had told me so many pretty things making me believe we had some chances of really working this out. But... now?

I must say most of you already well know me, so you might have figured out I'm far from being a jealous guy. You're right. In fact, you all know I'm the kind of person who defends the fact that each people is different and that he can do whatever he wants, at any time, if he thinks it's correct.

A fucking normal guy would have already said: "Fuck this! I'm done with this! I'm not the ANYONE'S second dish" (well, dunno if this exists in english, but I guess you understand it) but no. I'm kinda different.

I love her way too much to say that (and other deeper reasons inside too).

So the question that follows this is:

Will I keep on thinking like this for a long time?

Will I handle this much more?

.....

I'm really confused.

For sumarizing all of this I'll post this pic, but I don't think anyone of you would understand it at 100% (I'm just being realistic... it's really tough, no ofense)

You laugh to keep from crying, you do math to keep from crying…

This sentence sumarizes my life. It's kinda creepy, but true.
I'm pretending I'm a tough guy. Tough guys don't cry.